Going-Rogue.blog

Yellowstone. No, I’m not referring to the national park out West. I referring to the television show which took the viewing world by storm when it premiered in 2018, showcasing the mafia-like families that control the still very wild west-like lands of Montana. Just like everyone else, I watched each episode with excitement, waiting for the next fist fight or the next sexy interaction between Rip and Beth Dutton. With the writers’ strike that occurred between May 2 and September 27, 2023, the premier of part two of season five was delayed until November of 2024. Since I have been deprived of seeing Kevin Costner’s handsome face on my screen, I started to watch the show from the beginning. In episode 4, “The Long Black Train”, Costner’s character, John Dutton, says to his son, Kayce, “You’re the only one that is looking back.”

I think it finally took those words from Costner’s character for me to realize that I am the only one that is looking back. Oh yes, I have moved forward in some respects, but in others, I have not. I think that this sentiment applies to some others I know as well.

Why is it so hard to let go of the past? I think that for some, the past might hold some fond memories of people who are no longer with us. For others, letting go of the past and moving forward requires change, and as we all know, change is hard. Or, it could be that letting go of the past forces us to confront the emotions that accompany the past, and most oftentimes, those emotions are not happy ones. They are usually guilt, shame, anger, and regret. When those memories of the past come into mind, it is hard to fight against them, and I often find myself succumbing to the waves of emotion that accompanies those emotions. It is easy to get caught up in those waves; they are powerful and disorienting.

For me, I think about the past and often wonder, “What could have been?” I think that part of pondering the past is worse than remembering ‘the good old days’. I would often find myself in tears with the thought that I might have missed out on a wonderful life with someone, “if only”. Finally, someone recently said to me, “By living in the past, you are only missing out on the future.” Those words really resonated with me and I finally found the strength to move forward. Oh, I’m not going to lie and say that some days aren’t harder than others, but on most days, I find that I am able to keep my eyes facing forward and live only for today and tomorrow. Much like the picture at the top of this post, it is easy to look at the gigantic wall of water rolling towards you and be overcome with fear, however, take a different perspective and try to see the bright light of the sun as it penetrates the aqua blue and teal liquid of the ocean.